Developing a Self-Compassion-Based Therapeutic Model to Reduce Self-Criticism and Relational Shame and Enhance Mutual Acceptance in Couples Affected by Infidelity
Keywords:
Self-compassion, marital infidelity, self-criticism, relational shame, mutual acceptance, couple therapy, qualitative researchAbstract
Objective: This study aimed to develop a self-compassion-based therapeutic model for reducing self-criticism and relational shame and enhancing mutual acceptance among couples affected by infidelity.
Methods and Materials: This qualitative study was conducted using thematic analysis. The participants included 24 individuals, equivalent to 12 couples, who had attended family counseling centers in Tehran and reported the disclosure of marital infidelity within the previous 3 to 24 months. Participants were selected through purposive criterion-based sampling, and recruitment continued until theoretical saturation was reached. Data were collected exclusively through in-depth semi-structured interviews. After obtaining informed consent, interviews were audio-recorded, transcribed verbatim, and coded using NVivo software. Data analysis followed the phases of thematic analysis, including familiarization with the data, generation of initial codes, searching for themes, reviewing themes, defining and naming themes, and producing the final analytic report.
Findings: Data analysis resulted in five main categories: “the cycle of self-blame and shame after infidelity disclosure,” “difficulty differentiating accountability from self-humiliation,” “the need for self-compassion as an emotional safety mechanism,” “reconstructing couple dialogue through acceptance, boundaries, and emotional responsiveness,” and “components of a self-compassion-based therapeutic model.” The findings indicated that intense self-criticism and relational shame were not limited to the betrayed partner; they were also experienced by the partner who had engaged in infidelity and functioned as barriers to emotional processing, effective apology, trust repair, and mutual acceptance.
Conclusion: Based on the findings, the proposed model consists of five therapeutic phases: emotional stabilization and relational safety, identifying the self-critical voice and relational shame, cultivating compassionate mindfulness and self-kindness, reconstructing accountability without shame-based collapse, and practicing mutual acceptance through behavioral commitments. This model may provide a culturally sensitive clinical framework for working with couples affected by infidelity.
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