Analyzing Couples’ Lived Experiences of Emotional Divorce with Emphasis on Communicative Silence, Intimacy Disconnection, and Mental Representation of Relationship Failure
Keywords:
Emotional divorce, communicative silence, marital intimacy, lived experience, couples, qualitative research, TehranAbstract
Objective: This study aimed to explore the lived experiences of couples in Tehran regarding emotional divorce and to explain how it develops through communicative silence, intimacy disconnection, and the mental representation of relationship failure.
Methods and Materials: This qualitative study was conducted using a descriptive phenomenological approach. The participants included 24 individuals, equivalent to 12 married couples living in Tehran, selected through purposive criterion-based sampling. Inclusion criteria consisted of at least five years of marital life, perceived emotional distance, continued cohabitation, and willingness to participate in interviews. Data were collected exclusively through individual semi-structured interviews. Sampling continued until theoretical saturation was achieved; saturation emerged at the twentieth interview, and four additional interviews were conducted to ensure data adequacy. All interviews were audio-recorded with informed consent, transcribed verbatim, and analyzed using thematic analysis supported by NVivo software.
Findings: Data analysis resulted in four main categories: “communicative silence and erosion of marital dialogue,” “emotional and physical intimacy disconnection,” “mental representation of relationship failure,” and “forced remaining in the relationship and suspended decision-making.” Participants described emotional divorce not as a sudden event but as a gradual process in which intimate conversations first turned into repetitive conflicts, then defensive silence, and eventually purely functional exchanges about children, finances, and daily responsibilities. Intimacy disconnection was reflected in reduced empathy, affectionate touch, mutual attention, and the feeling of being emotionally seen by one’s partner.
Conclusion: Emotional divorce, in couples’ lived experiences, represents a psychological separation within the formal continuity of marriage. The findings indicated that communicative silence, intimacy decline, and the stabilized mental image of relational failure constitute the core structure of this phenomenon. Couple therapy interventions should focus on reconstructing emotional dialogue, mutual validation, and intimacy repair before marital conflict turns into chronic silence and irreversible disengagement.
Downloads
References
Al-shahrani, H. F., & Hammad, M. A. (2023). Relationship between emotional divorce and alexithymia among married women in Saudi Arabia. BMC Psychology, 11, Article 217. doi:10.1186/s40359-023-01236-w
Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on divorce: Continuing trends and new developments. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(3), 650–666. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00723.x
Barzoki, M. H., Tavakoll, M., & Burrage, H. (2015). Rational-emotional “divorce” in Iran. Applied Research in Quality of Life, 10(1), 107–122. doi:10.1007/s11482-014-9303-9
Bradbury, T. N., Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R. H. (2000). Research on the nature and determinants of marital satisfaction: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4), 964–980. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00964.x
Braun, V., & Clarke, V. (2006). Using thematic analysis in psychology. Qualitative Research in Psychology, 3(2), 77–101. doi:10.1191/1478088706qp063oa
Christensen, A., & Heavey, C. L. (1990). Gender and social structure in the demand/withdraw pattern of marital conflict. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59(1), 73–81. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.59.1.73
Damo, D. D., & Cenci, C. M. B. (2021). Emotional divorce: Similarities and differences according to the position occupied. Trends in Psychology, 29(3), 505–518. doi:10.1007/s43076-021-00088-w
Doss, B. D., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2009). The effect of the transition to parenthood on relationship quality: An 8-year prospective study. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96(3), 601–619. doi:10.1037/a0013969
Eslami, M., Yazdanpanah, M., Andalib, P., Rahimi, A., Safizadeh, M., Dadvar, A., & Nakhaee, N. (2020). Marital satisfaction and emotional divorce among Iranian married individuals: A survey of hospital visitors of nine provinces. Journal of Education and Health Promotion, 9, Article 83. doi:10.4103/jehp.jehp_570_19
Gottman, J. M. (1994). What predicts divorce? The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (1992). Marital processes predictive of later dissolution: Behavior, physiology, and health. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63(2), 221–233. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.63.2.221
Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce: Predicting when a couple will divorce over a 14-year period. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(3), 737–745. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00737.x
Hashemi, L., & Homayuni, H. (2017). Emotional divorce: Child’s well-being. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 58(8), 631–644.
Heavey, C. L., Christensen, A., & Malamuth, N. M. (1995). The longitudinal impact of demand and withdrawal during marital conflict. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 63(5), 797–801. doi:10.1037/0022-006X.63.5.797
Johnson, S. M. (2004). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating connection (2nd ed.). Brunner-Routledge.
Johnson, S. M. (2007). The contribution of emotionally focused couples therapy. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 37(1), 47–52. doi:10.1007/s10879-006-9034-9
Johnson, S. M., Makinen, J. A., & Millikin, J. W. (2001). Attachment injuries in couple relationships: A new perspective on impasses in couples therapy. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 27(2), 145–155. doi:10.1111/j.1752-0606.2001.tb01152.x
Kamali, Z., Allahyar, N., Ostovar-Nameghi, S. A., & Allahyar, Z. (2020). Factors that influence marital intimacy: A qualitative analysis of Iranian married couples. Cogent Psychology, 7(1), Article 1771118. doi:10.1080/23311908.2020.1771118
Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (1995). The longitudinal course and determinants of marital quality and stability: A review of theory, method, and research. Psychological Bulletin, 118(1), 3–34. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.118.1.3
Kluwer, E. S. (2010). From partnership to parenthood: A review of marital change across the transition to parenthood. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 2(2), 105–125. doi:10.1111/j.1756-2589.2010.00045.x
Kvale, S., & Brinkmann, S. (2009). InterViews: Learning the craft of qualitative research interviewing (2nd ed.). Sage.
Lavner, J. A., & Bradbury, T. N. (2010). Patterns of change in marital satisfaction over the newlywed years. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(5), 1171–1187. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00757.x
Lincoln, Y. S., & Guba, E. G. (1985). Naturalistic inquiry. Sage.
Sadeghzadeh, Z., Ghodssi-ghassemabad, R., Hamdieh, M., Shariatpanahi, S., Babazadeh, F., Abdoli, M., & Samadaee Gelehkolaee, K. (2023). The assessment of the related factors of emotional divorce among Iranian people during the Covid-19 pandemic: A descriptive study. BMC Psychology, 11, Article 360. doi:10.1186/s40359-023-01395-w
Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J., & Whitton, S. W. (2002). Communication, conflict, and commitment: Insights on the foundations of relationship success from a national survey. Family Process, 41(4), 659–675. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.2002.00659.x
Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119–135. doi:10.1037/0033-295X.93.2.119
Tong, A., Sainsbury, P., & Craig, J. (2007). Consolidated criteria for reporting qualitative research: A 32-item checklist for interviews and focus groups. International Journal for Quality in Health Care, 19(6), 349–357. doi:10.1093/intqhc/mzm042
