Lived Experiences of Men’s Inability to Express Affection in Marital Relationships with Emphasis on Gender Socialization, Emotional Shame, and Fear of Vulnerability
Keywords:
emotional expression, men, marital relationship, gender socialization, emotional shame, vulnerability, qualitative research, phenomenologyAbstract
Objective: This study aimed to explore married men’s lived experiences of inability to express affection in marital relationships, with particular attention to gender socialization, emotional shame, and fear of vulnerability.
Methods and Materials: This qualitative study was conducted using a descriptive phenomenological design. Participants included 18 married men residing in Tehran, Iran, selected through purposive sampling based on predefined inclusion criteria. Data were collected through in-depth semi-structured interviews. Interviews continued until theoretical saturation was reached; primary saturation occurred after the sixteenth interview, and two additional interviews were conducted to confirm data adequacy. All interviews were transcribed verbatim and analyzed using thematic analysis with the support of NVivo software. To enhance trustworthiness, member checking, peer debriefing, analytic memoing, audit trail documentation, and rich contextual description were applied.
Findings: Data analysis led to the identification of five main categories: “internalization of emotion-avoidant masculinity,” “emotional shame and difficulty naming feelings,” “fear of vulnerability and disclosure of emotional needs,” “defensive patterns in response to the spouse’s emotional demands,” and “marital consequences of emotional silence.” Participants described emotional inexpressiveness not as lack of love, but as a complex outcome of restrictive gender upbringing, fear of judgment, limited emotional vocabulary, previous experiences of humiliation, and concerns about losing masculine authority within the relationship.
Conclusion: The findings indicate that men’s difficulty in expressing affection is a multilayered cultural, emotional, and relational phenomenon shaped by early gendered learning, shame toward emotions, fear of perceived weakness, and recurring marital conflict cycles. Couple therapy and marital counseling interventions should focus on emotional literacy, reframing vulnerability, reducing emotional shame, and creating relational safety for gradual emotional disclosure.
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